Author: Ann Marie Trietley
Last Wednesday, 10pm
The back room of Allen Street Hardware is pulsating and throbbing with the industrial beats of Nine Inch Nails. Glowing black lights wash over the crowd, which consists of many painted-up people fresh out of the crypt. Go-go dancing skeleton girls are moving to the music inside giant cages. One offers you a mysterious elixir, and wait…. you think you see… things get blurry… is that, really…?
Yeah, it’s me. I’ve become a go-go-dancing skeleton for the premier of Hump Day Horror Show, an event conceived by Mike “Business.” Business, with his tattooed skull and serious stare, works at Hardware. He is also the founder of Buffalo’s newest production company, Hematone Productions. Maybe you’ve seen him behind the bar. Business felt nostalgic for the grittier days of Buffalo’s underground [i.e. Club Diablo], and decided to debut his own party.
“After years of always being in with the “out” crowd and always down for a party, I dwelled in the glorious presence of the people who were rejected and didn’t care,” Business says. “I feel there’s a select few places in Buffalo today [for this crowd].”
I show up at Business’s house to get the full treatment, before the Horror Show. Jessica Saddleson, founder of Armcandy (an artist collective responsible for hosting events and collaborations) applies my makeup. The other shot girls and dancers are getting their makeup done, too. There’s glow-in-the-dark bones being painted on arms and torsos; black and white skull outlines conceal everyone’s face. It’s a skeleton spa day.
“Whenever we do a collaboration or event with someone, we cross-promote to help each other,” Saddleson says, wielding a tube of face paint. “We bring the artistic standpoint to Hematone Productions – the painting, artwork, and photography comes from our end.”
With a little of this and a little of that, Saddleson transforms me into a boneyard babe. After she puts down her paintbrush, I look at myself in the mirror.
“I’m grisly as hell!” I shout to my reflection. “It is to die for, darling.” My eyes are rimmed in circles of black paint; my face is deathly white. I unleash an evil laugh.
Next, I put on my skeleton outfit – leather shorts, boots with skull-shaped studs on them, and a gold, Versace knock-off chain belt. Honestly, I already had this stuff lying around.
“I’m not sure the belt fits the mood,” Business says skeptically, with his skull face painted and a top hat on.
But I decide to stick with my accessory of choice, because if anything, this event is about embracing my true rebel.
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About six of us skeleton queens are squished in the side door frame. We are waiting for Mike Business to wrap up his welcome.
“How many people are out there?” I nervously ask another go-go girl, Kate. “I need a drink. Get me a drink!”
The metal door swings open and we strut in. Lighting technician Nick Kogut has designed the lugubrious atmosphere; DJ Malik Von Saint and KATO are already throwing on the industrial jams. Model/dancer Melissa Coccionitti hops up between the bars of the towering cage. I await my turn by flagging down the nearest bartender.
“What?! I can’t believe other people showed up in my outfit tonight,” I shout my attempt at a joke to a random bearded dude. He scurries away, quickly. “It was a joke! Skeletons make jokes, too…”
And then, the dark intonations of some Orgy song filter around the room. Let’s fake an answer for the curious…Let’s fake it all for the fame. I’ve never partied in Berlin, but I guess this is the next best thing. It’s time for me to shimmy up there and shake what Satan gave me.
“Yeah, I actually do like that belt,” Business says to me right before I climb into the cage.
The lights flicker and flash. I turn into something…not quite a werewolf, not quite a vampire…a go-go dancing skeleton. I surprise myself – and everyone else in the room – by actually looking like I know what the Hell I am doing. I am a performance artist. Like Lady Gaga!
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After my dance routine is done, I climb down from my cage. Is it over already? A man in a dress shirt and tie, who has been staring the whole time, starts to talk to me.
“Hey, I’m Derek,” he says. Poor Derek. He looks completely out of place – perhaps the most rebellious in the room – in his shirt, tie, and normal haircut. Derek tells me that he owns an insurance company, and invites me to Mother’s.
How could I possibly go to Mothers in this get up? Do they serve those who are back from the dead?
But I suppose even straight-laced professionals cannot deny the appeal of Orgy, absinthe, and corpses in cages. It really is true – everybody loves a skeleton.
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Wishing you had been there? Biting off the head of a bat in frustration? Hematone Productions will be putting on another show October 9th. Same time, same place.
“[My events are for] the ones who aren’t afraid to travel outside the box,” Business says. “The real ones who know how to party and have a good time, and cheers to celebrating their differences as one.”
Come with an open mind and expect a classy, yet subversive, experience.
“What they can expect next time is bigger and better,” Saddleson says. “Something new, artistically, every single time. While working with Mike, I”ll be able to explore the dark side of Armcandy.”
Whether you wear leather chaps or a Brooks Brothers blazer is completely up to you.
Check out Hematone Productions and Armcandy on Facebook.
PART OF THE PLAYLIST
Nox Arcana – Night of the Wolf
Ministry – Scarecrow
Kmfdm – Megalomaniac
Rob Zombie – Dragula
Orgy – Opticon
Nine Inch Nails – We’re In This Together
Ministry – All Day
Skinny Puppy – Wornin’
Velvet Acid Christ – Fun With Drugs
Combichrist – All Your Bass Belongs to Us
Hate Dept – Won’t Stay Lit
OHGr – Lusid
Allen Street Hardware | 245 Allen St, Buffalo, NY 14201 | (716) 882-8843