Buffalo Rising Online

May 12th 2006, 10:54am By

Read this if you are a man who shares residence with the mother of his children. Read this if you are a mother. Read this if you have a mother. Everyone else can get on with their day.

As a mother of three for over eight years now, I consider myself an "expert" on Mother's Days - both forgettable and memorable. I'm proud that my husband has been trying (and succeeding) really hard since that catastrophic Sunday in May 2003. Most importantly, he is teaching our boys how to pamper a lady. And for that I am truly grateful and blessed.

Because men and women speak two different languages, especially when it comes to expectations around holidays, here are some SIMPLE things you can do to make sure the day goes smoothly. Keep in mind that Motheris Day precedes Fatheris Day for one reason: Payback. How men behave on Sunday will set the tone for their big day in June (and for the whole year.)

GENTLEMEN. Whether this is your wifeis first Motheris Day or twenty-first, this is an important day to remember. Even if your wife claims that Motheris Day is not a big deal, what she is really saying is iYou best be bringing me breakfast in bed on SundayOeor else!i

1. The Card Never underestimate the power of the Card. This does not have to be an expensive store bought Hallmark. It doesnit need lots of complicated folds, glitter, or cellophane. Homemade cards are best, especially when made by the children, and even if done on scrap paper or a (clean) napkin. The important thing to remember about the Card, is that it should be created/written BEFORE Sunday morning. Wives know if you are running out to Wilson Farms to try to scare up a card. Wives know if you are hiding out in the bathroom scrawling messages of love from you and the kids. Please, take care of the Card on Saturday.

2. Breakfast in Bed There is nothing more pathetic than a mother laying in bed waiting for breakfast that never comes. I canit stress this enough. Every mother LOVES being able to isleep ini and be awoken to the smell of coffee. Sleeping in simply means not being the first adult out of bed to deal with the children. There is no set time associated with sleeping in. Motheris day breakfast does not have to be Belgian Waffles and Eggs Benedict. A glass of juice, a cup of coffee, a store-bought muffin or a bowl of cereal (let her add the milk) will work just fine. The point is that the mother is receiving breakfast rather than making breakfast for her troops.

3. The Question Ask the mother this iWhat do you want to do today?i This accomplishes two things. It puts the ball in her court as to her desires. And it hides the fact that you may have neglected to make special arrangements. If she answers iI want to be alonei, you should respect that.

4. A Gift A Motheris Day gift is not necessary, but it is appreciated when it is either acquired or crafted in SECRET. It is not appreciated when the mother must watch the children while the father runs to Target to scrounge up a bird bath. The absence of a gift is better than being punished with extra kid duty on Motheris Day while Dad is out shopping. Luckily, many schools help students create gifts which are more precious than any store bought trinket. For the gift that keeps on giving, and if you are low on cash and time, here's an idea. Take the kids with you to CVS, purchase rolls of toilet paper, then actually put them on the holders in the bathrooms, with bows. Seriously, she'll be thrilled. (Put the seat down while you are at it!)

5. Flowers Women love flowers. But the practical nature of moms tells them otherwise. They feel guilty or extravagant when they receive expensive cut flowers that will die in a few days. Wild flowers, even dandelions that are picked by the kids from the yard are always a hit when placed in a pretty vase. If your wife is into gardening, some perennials, annuals, or a flowering shrub may be the way to go.

Some sweet ideas for activities on Motheris Day. - Make a picnic lunch and take everyone to the park. The areas around the Buffalo's Rose Garden are lovely for picnicking and playing. Globe Market and Lexington Coop have yummy prepared foods. - Go to a nursery as a family to buy plants and flowers for your garden. Clinton-Bailey Farmers Market is a good option. -If you are chummy with your wifeis girlfriendis husband, put your heads together for some ideas. Maybe even surprise them by taking them out to dinner, or just grilling up some burgers in the backyard. -Two words: Day Spa. Check out Elmwood Avenue's Studio 806 or Michele for Hair Day Spa among others in Buffalo.

WOMEN. Men donit automatically igeti Motheris Day. They need to be carefully instructed and groomed to understand the fleeting subtleties of your whims. Do not be afraid to act as the Cruise Director on Motheris Day and the days leading up to it. Be realistic and keep your expectations very low.

1. The Card One way to remind your spouse about the card is to use your mother-in-law as an excuse. iHoney, donit forget to get a card for your mom.i This gets the ball rolling. Have plenty of paper and crayons at the ready and make sure your kids know where to find them. Even lead them iSweetie, when it is time to make my card, there is pink paper in this drawer. Mom is spelled Q-U-E-E-N.i

2. Breakfast in Bed Make sure that by Saturday, you have stocked up on easy breakfast items: juice, strawberries, muffins. If necessary, set the coffee maker yourself. Tell your kids where you keep trays, small vases for flowers, etc. If your husband is really new at this (and you canit bark instructions to your 6 month old) feel free to loosely assemble a breakfast tray the night before.

3. The Question iWhat do you want to do today?i Sometimes it is better to answer that by explaining what you donit want to do. iI donit want to do any laundry, change any diapers, clean up any dog poop, prepare any meals.i Be specific about what you want iI do want to have a cocktail at 4pm on the porch. I do want time to go to the garden center to pick out perennials. I do want time to chat on the phone, and go to the bathroom alone. I do want to take a long hot bath n by myself!i

4. Gifts Be grateful and gracious for any gift that you receive on this day. It is the thought that counts. Even a weedwhacker wrapped with a pink bow means that your husband was thinking of you - sort of. Smile, nod, and remember that he'll probably love a food processor on Father's Day. If you are really unhappy about a gift you receive, next year hand a folder of catalog pages or Sunday circulars to your husband in April. Or, find a new family.

5. Flowers Whatever you receive, smile and nod. It is the thought that counts.

Donit forget about your own mother (and mother-in-law). Make sure to call them on Sunday and say WE LOVE YOU.